She sat there quietly, listening for a
time. Only once she was sure he was truly not coming back did the
weight of what she had said begin to set in, and she felt overwhelmed
with conflicting emotions of sadness and anger. “I'm such a fool”,
she cried, burying her face in her pillow. “What was I thinking?”
Eventually, she picked herself up and
slunk over to her desk. From there she removed the little book from
her drawer and tearfully leafed through the collection of romantic
phrases she'd collected over time. As she repeated the hollow
statements in her mind, she found that the words that had once set
her heart aflutter held no meaning for her now.
“I wouldn't want to go back to how
things were if it meant giving this up. I never imagined I could
feel like that. I was so wrong about you, Lay.”
She slammed her paw on the table with a
terrible growl and barred her claws. She was just about to tear all
the pages out when the full weight of what she had lost overcame her
and she broke down crying. The book fell to the floor as she sobbed
pathetically into her paws, lamenting the loss of love.
The walk through the corridors of her
ship had never seemed longer. Lay kept her head down, looking at her
feet as she crossed the halls, avoiding eye contact with her crew.
She heard the sounds of laughter and passion from behind closed
doors, but there was no merriment in her heart tonight, only pain,
self-loathing, and a desperate longing for someone who cared.
Eventually, she found herself in the same place she always did. She
knocked on the door and softly called the name of the one who was
always there for her.
There was no reply. The door was
barred shut and would not open.
“I know you're in there”, she said,
weakly. “Please. I need you.”
“I'm not stupid”, replied a small
voice. “I know what's going on.”
She was so surprised that she snapped
out of her despair for a moment. “What are you talking about?”
she demanded.
“I heard you.” His voice was
hoarse, she could tell he had been crying. “'Don't try to change
me, because I won't change. Maybe you should just find someone else.
You don't deserve me.'” he repeated, coldly.
“No...” she pleaded, in disbelief.
“Not you, Petal. I could never say that about you.”
“Your heart's not in it anymore, I
can tell. You don't hold me like you used to. You don't kiss me
like you used to. Now I know what you meant... when you said those
things.”
“Please, you've got the wrong idea”,
she said, banging on the door with her paw. “Open that door and
let me show you how wrong you are.”
“I never asked you to be exclusive to
me, but I loved you. I loved you more than anything. I can't just
be a stand-in when you can't have anyone better, it hurts me too
much. I... I can't do this anymore.” He paused, his suffering
clear to all. “Please, just go.”
“Fine.” she said bitterly, too hurt
to even cry. “Don't forget it was you who came to me in the first
place. At first I was just being nice to you, because I felt sorry
for you. I don't know why I let it grow into more than that.
Clearly it was a mistake.”
She could hear him sobbing inside his
room, but she didn't care. She left him that way, just as they had
all left her.
She stared out over the railing of her
ship, idly gazing out over the ocean. Everything she had was gone
now, faded into nothingness like the waves as they went out to sea.
She wondered how cold the water was, and whether anyone would miss
her.
“My queen!” called a nauseatingly
cheerful voice. “Surely you are not alone on a beautiful night
like tonight.” She made no reply, so he poured it on thicker: “If
the other men on this ship truly are such fools as to neglect you on
a night like this, I would be honoured to keep you company.”
Sonnet puffed out his chest: “I do not wish to brag, but every
lady I have met has praised my technique and stamina, and none of
them are even one thousandth as lovely as you. With you, I will
create my masterpiece, a lovemaking session of such passion the ocean
has never seen.”
She glared at him with blood-red eyes
that could have pierced stone: “You had BETTER be as good as you
say you are”, she growled, digging her claws into his arm and
dragging him back towards her cabin. Sonnet swallowed nervously, his
expression changing instantly from arrogant confidence to pure
terror, but there was no escape for him now.
Back on Corsair's ship, Sabre was
feeling restless. She picked up a sword from the rack and posed with
it, thrusting back and forth across the deck to duel with her shadow,
but her form was off, and there was no energy to her movements.
Disparate thoughts kept creeping into her mind, and she couldn't
concentrate on her training. She put the sword back and walked over
to the edge of the ship, resting her paws on the railing.
“Who am I?” she asked, of no one in
particular. “What role am I supposed to play?”
She had always hated it when others
told her what to do, but for once she found herself wishing for some
guidance. She stared down at her reflection in the still water, but
the ship tilted and it faded away. In its place, she saw the top of
the ship, set strikingly against the twinkling stars.
She climbed up to the crow's nest,
where she found him gazing out into space, his head in his paws. Her
heart went out to him, and her confusion faded instantly.
“Corsair...” she started, placing a
paw on his shoulder.
“Why has the world gone crazy?” he
lamented, his head flopping back to the railing behind him. “For
once, I was happy, but it can never be.”
“Did something happen between you and
Lay?”
All of the life drained out of his
voice, leaving only a cold monotone: “It's me, isn't it?” He
turned to face her and flopped into her waiting arms. She had never
seen him look this bad, his eyes were completely red, and if she
didn't hold him up he would surely fall to the floor. “I'm...
incomplete. I never know what to say, or what to do. There's
something missing inside of me.”
She closed her eyes and squeezed him.
“Hey, don't say stuff like that. You're you. Don't let other
people tell you that's not good enough.”
“But it isn't good enough.” He
swallowed audibly, his voice hoarse and barely audible. “I should
be more than this. When we were with Steven, we caught a glimpse of
what it would be like to be complete. The strangers... they know
everything. There's something else beyond the world that we know,
and that's where the answers lie.”
She lifted him to his feet and embraced
him tightly. “No, please, don't talk like that. I'm here. We're
all here. This is where we belong.”
“Not me.” he said, lifting her paws
away. “Not anymore. As long as I stay here, I'm only going to
make you unhappy.” He had already started down the rungs to the
deck, so she could only call after him.
“Corsair, please... don't... for
me...”
He didn't stop climbing down, not for
her or anyone else. His mind was made up now.
---
It was getting late, and Sister was
starting to feel apprehensive again. She glanced out the window,
where the sun was not yet visible in the sky, but she thought she saw
the first traces of light peeking over the horizon. In a short while
the sun would take them away, and tonight could be the night where
she would never see him again. She tried to close her eyes and think
about something else, but just then the door to the cabin opened with
a quiet creak.
“Corsair?” she asked hopefully,
raising her head, but it was not.
“Please.” Sabre pleaded. “You've
got to help him. I think he's going to get himself lost.”
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